i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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