I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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