Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She's the barista slut.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
