I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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