my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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