Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
