Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
