my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
