we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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