I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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