Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
