Say something about gay babies.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
