dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
