Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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