Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
