no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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