I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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