Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
