CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
