I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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