The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
