Yo dont text me then not text me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
