Slut skills are useful in every country.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
