I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
