you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
