I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
