It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I pour the whiskey from now on
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
