She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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