if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
