It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
