You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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