Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
