I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Pants 0. Shit 1.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
