and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
