tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
