I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
