I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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