Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
