i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
