nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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