Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
