I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
