: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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