How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
