I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
