I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
