Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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