Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
