I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
