you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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